Life is a continuous series of 'Let's celebrate this.' events, and 'Let's celebrate that.' events.
I want to pose the questions, 'Why celebrate this?' and 'Why celebrate that?'
Let's consider the most common 'celebrate-able' events:
1. You got a promotion or a salary hike.
2. You had a baby or got married.
3. You bought a house or rented a house on the beach in LA.
All celebrate-able events can be classified into three categories, each identified by the biggest debilitation inflicted by that event on the 'celebrator'.
Category 1. 'Just Lost My Freedom'.
Events in this category: getting married, having a baby, becoming the President, getting married again, having another baby, being re-elected as President.
Events in this category don't deserve even a mention, let alone a celebration. If you do perform one or more of these events, at least don't tell anyone. Wear black and mourn in private.
For example, getting married or having a baby literally makes it impossible for you to do things that you like, like not wanting to have anything to do with toilet seats or diapers or drapes or non-microwaveable foods or clean, non-tattered clothes or .... the list can go on and on.
Getting elected to public office in America is even worse. You are supposedly among the most powerful people on earth now but you cannot even perform the most basic functions of life e.g.,
- indulge in activities that you had considered your birthright growing up (ask Bill Clinton or Antonio Villaraigosa) ;
- speak your mind without mincing words or getting bleeped (ask Joe Biden);
- pursue your hobbies (ask Dick Cheney) ;
- just be yourself (ask George Bush).
Category 2. 'There Goes My Money' events.
Events in this category: Buying a house, renting a house on the beach in Los Angeles, donating to charity, getting invited to a fund-raising dinner by the Republican party candidate, your kid gets into Stanford.
If you really think that these events warrant a celebration, you might as well celebrate being robbed and being a victim of credit-card scam or getting your new Bentley stolen.
For example, buying a house is akin to donating your entire pay-check for the next 30 years and living off the green stuff that grows in your yard when it rains.
Your kid getting into Stanford is just an euphemism for 'a giggly, pimply 16-year old just swindled you out of 50 grand from your retirement fund'. Now when you retire, you have no choice but to live the green stuff that grows in your yard when it rains, now that you have given away 30 years worth of salary and an extra 50 grand multiplied by n (n = number of times you were dumb enough to perform a particular event from the first category).
Category 3. 'Here Comes More Work' events.
Events in this category: Getting promoted at work, graduating from a educational institution, getting elected to public office, getting married, having a baby
Think about it - Why did God give us brains? So that we won't have to slog like ants, or scavenge like vultures. So that we can invent a bunch of amenities that would allow us to do what we we born to do - be lazy and slack off. Laziness is the best by-product of intelligence, and hence is God's gift to mankind. If you ask me, it is really weird if you want to celebrate the possibility of more work.
For example, graduating from high school with flying colors simply means that now you have to slog for the next 10 years of your life to justify it.
Being promoted at work, ideally with a pay-raise, means you now have to work 10 extra hours a week to justify it, hours that you could have spent on the beach in Malibu ogling at 'ogle-worthy' things.
In conclusion, I think that there are only two things in life worth celebrating - failure and serendipity. The luckiest man is one who never gets promoted, no woman can live with him, who cannot pass an exam even if you gave him the solution sheet, who gets lucky every other night and consistently hits jackpots at casinos. Now there is a man whose epitaph will read ,'Here lies a man who deserved to celebrate.'
I want to pose the questions, 'Why celebrate this?' and 'Why celebrate that?'
Let's consider the most common 'celebrate-able' events:
1. You got a promotion or a salary hike.
2. You had a baby or got married.
3. You bought a house or rented a house on the beach in LA.
All celebrate-able events can be classified into three categories, each identified by the biggest debilitation inflicted by that event on the 'celebrator'.
Category 1. 'Just Lost
Events in this category: getting married, having a baby, becoming the President, getting married again, having another baby, being re-elected as President.
Events in this category don't deserve even a mention, let alone a celebration. If you do perform one or more of these events, at least don't tell anyone. Wear black and mourn in private.
For example, getting married or having a baby literally makes it impossible for you to do things that you like, like not wanting to have anything to do with toilet seats or diapers or drapes or non-microwaveable foods or clean, non-tattered clothes or .... the list can go on and on.
Getting elected to public office in America is even worse. You are supposedly among the most powerful people on earth now but you cannot even perform the most basic functions of life e.g.,
- indulge in activities that you had considered your birthright growing up (ask Bill Clinton or Antonio Villaraigosa) ;
- speak your mind without mincing words or getting bleeped (ask Joe Biden);
- pursue your hobbies (ask Dick Cheney) ;
- just be yourself (ask George Bush).
Category 2. 'There Goes My Money' events.
Events in this category: Buying a house, renting a house on the beach in Los Angeles, donating to charity, getting invited to a fund-raising dinner by the Republican party candidate, your kid gets into Stanford.
If you really think that these events warrant a celebration, you might as well celebrate being robbed and being a victim of credit-card scam or getting your new Bentley stolen.
For example, buying a house is akin to donating your entire pay-check for the next 30 years and living off the green stuff that grows in your yard when it rains.
Your kid getting into Stanford is just an euphemism for 'a giggly, pimply 16-year old just swindled you out of 50 grand from your retirement fund'. Now when you retire, you have no choice but to live
Category 3. 'Here Comes More Work' events.
Events in this category: Getting promoted at work, graduating from a educational institution, getting elected to public office, getting married, having a baby
Think about it - Why did God give us brains? So that we won't have to slog like ants, or scavenge like vultures. So that we can invent a bunch of amenities that would allow us to do what we we born to do - be lazy and slack off. Laziness is the best by-product of intelligence, and hence is God's gift to mankind. If you ask me, it is really weird if you want to celebrate the possibility of more work.
For example, graduating from high school with flying colors simply means that now you have to slog for the next 10 years of your life to justify it.
Being promoted at work, ideally with a pay-raise, means you now have to work 10 extra hours a week to justify it, hours that you could have spent on the beach in Malibu ogling at 'ogle-worthy' things.
In conclusion, I think that there are only two things in life worth celebrating - failure and serendipity. The luckiest man is one who never gets promoted, no woman can live with him, who cannot pass an exam even if you gave him the solution sheet, who gets lucky every other night and consistently hits jackpots at casinos. Now there is a man whose epitaph will read ,'Here lies a man who deserved to celebrate.'
