One of our 'superstar' developers is leaving the company to seek an alternative career. Yesterday the bosses of his project had arranged a farewell company-sponsored lunch and I was one of the invitees in lieu of being associated with the same project. One of the requirements for this lunch gathering was that everyone had to say something nice or funny about the beneficiary of this farewell.
Now, speaking about a co-worker at his farewell lunch gathering is tricky as well as risky. There are several implicit restrictions.
First, the person is alive and kicking as opposed to being in a blue box covered with floral wreaths. So you have to be chronologically and factually accurate in your statements.
Secondly, you have to be subtle - both with your praise so that you don't embarrass him, and also with your criticism so that you don't end up with a broken nose. So you cannot go down on your knees and say something like, 'Jacob, you are the God of coding and the most adorable human being I have ever met and I love you.' Also, you cannot stick up a particular finger of your right hand and scream, 'Jacob, you are a BEEP BEEP, a thick-BEEPed and BEEP BEEP-BEEPer and I am here only for the food.
Thirdly, you are usually in mixed company - subordinates, peers and superiors. So you have to ascertain that what you say in this gathering does not change your professional and personal dynamics with the rest of the group in a detrimental way. So you cannot say things like 'Jacob, if you had not pointed out that I am a lazy, mediocre and unprofessional employee, I would never have realized that my pretending skills suck. I am working harder on that.'
So after a lot of mental data-mining on the 'Jacob data' in my head, and strict application of the above-mentioned suppression rules, I was ready. But, at the last moment, just as I about to leave, one of my best friends (emergency production issue) showed up and kept me behind.
Regardless, here are a few tips for software developers that can be used while eulogizing a colleague at a farewell lunch. I have accounted for some boundary conditions to prevent the speaker from making a BEEP of himself. I am making the assumption that you do have something to say. You are not there just for free food.
1. If you don't like him, don't attend.
2. If you 'more than' just like him, don't attend.
3. Be brief, concise and factual when you speak.
4. Partially reveal an inter-personal incident involving this colleague that was beneficial to you. Just reveal enough details so that the group understands your gratitude to the colleague. Don’t narrate the whole story.
5. Try to deliver the meat in three sentences:
a. One about some lighter moments that your colleague may have facilitated.
b. One about your interactions in a professional capacity that stand out in your mind.
c. One about point 4 (or replace it with a sentence of praise for his professional skills).
6. Try to end with a final sentence which says good-bye and wishes him luck. A simple and safe example is - 'It has been a pleasure, (slightly tip your head downwards at this pause) and (pause) good luck’ (throw your hands in a resigned manner to demonstrate a tinge of sadness and slowly sit down). If this colleague speaks a different first-language or is going away to a non-English speaking country, use your favorite language translation method to say good luck in that language. Rehearse it before you speak.
7. Try to make this speech appear to be an impromptu one (take random pauses, say ‘hmmm’ or ‘aaaa’ a few times) but definitely go prepared.
